Tag:I called up Charles Barkley last night and he told me the Knicks were turrrrrible
Posted on: November 18, 2009 3:22 pm
Yes, it's true. the face of the NBA, Eddy Curry , regarded as the finest player in NBA history, is ready to make his return to NBA action tonight in Indiana. This beastly player, known for his tenacious defense and outstanding work ethic, not to mention his Adonis-like physique, has finally healed from his horrific ordeal.
As many of you may remember, Eddy Curry was the former consensus best player in all of basketball by 1,000 times over anyone else. He had a horrible situation when he heroically saved the halls of Valhalla, which were under attack. Odin himself knew all the slain Warriors in Valhalla were not enough to defeat this enemy. Desperate, he called upon the greatest mortal to ever live, Eddy Curry, to save the Hall of the Slain from these intruders. Eddy Curry did what he always did, which is succeed. The forces were pushed back, never to be heard from again, without a loss of afterlife life from Eddy Curry's troops.
Enraged and jealous of Eddy Curry's great successes, the Gods punished Eddy Curry for saving their hides. That seems to be how it goes with those Gods and all. The Gods force fed him all the mead and kingly foods they had, in an effort to kill him. Now, Eddy Curry is no usual mortal, and he was able to consume every last thing put in front of him, becoming bloated and slow, but not dead. Eddy Curry has spent many mortal years trying to work off these mythical foods, which do not burn off like the foods you and I are used to. It took 24 hours of dedication for years to get back into game shape. But today is the day that Eddy Curry is ready to return to dominance.
At an estimated 295 pounds, Eddy Curry is better then ever. He recently beat Mark Henry in a weightlifting exhibition, claiming the title of World's Strongest Man for his own. He is thought to have outran Usain Bolt in a footrace, but is far too modest to confirm the stories. Anything less then 50 and 30 with 10 blocks a game will be shocking, now that Eddy Curry is back in the NBA. One can expect more malfeasance from the jelouas Gods, but Eddy Curry tells us all not to fear for our safety.
"My return to NBA action will surly enrage the Gods, I fully expect Götterdämmerung to begin the second I post my next incredible game." said the mortal in title only, Eddy Curry. "But fear not, people of Earth. I have proven myself to be greater then the Gods before, and should the war of the Gods indeed begin, bringing about the end of the world that has been prophisied for centuries, you can be assured that I will single-handled prevent the armeggedon-like end of llife. One flex from my well shaped guns will send those waring Gods back from where they came, never to be seen from again."
Surly, we should all tune in tonight and watch the GOAT NBA player and world savior Eddy Curry as he again defies and redefines all boundries of what is possible for man. Coach D'Antoni expects to play Curry in the first half and see what goes from there, surly code for "see if we are up by so much, it's pointless for any of us to play the second half". Do you think it is any considence that Eddy Curry came back when the Knicks had exactly 9 losses? After Curry leads the Knicks to 72 straight wins and the best record ever, perhaps then his ways will make more sense.
ED NOTE: Eddy Curry is available for trade. Please contact your GM and demand this savior of humanity be aquired by your team, today!
(What, you want me to discuss the actual Knicks? Are you crazy????)